Beckham victim of gang rape by Seedorf and Pirlo

England star David Beckham has reported to Milanese police that he has been subject to sexual abuse by Clarence Seedorf and Andrea Pirlo.

In a statement at davidbeckham.net he says "It is with great sadness that I announce I have had to report on Clarence and Andrea of their sexual abuse on me. During games they touch my bum (see pic) to let me know they will knock the hole off me once in the showers.

It started off as a joke but now I got Pirlo tea bagging me whilst Seedorf, who has a 12 inch black cock, pumping the ass of me. Everytime I fart, it burns. This cannot go on" Beckham said.

Clarence Seedorf proudly admits it "I have four vices in life" said the Dutchman "One of football, another is beating women, another is online pornography and lastly another is raping players. I've been doing it for years. Beckhams a cute cunt! I love to bang him while he screams in agony. Such a good laugh".

Andrea Pirlo said that he doesnt use anal penetration on Becks and that he just enjoys getting his testicles licked by force on Beckham while he masturbates and ejaculates "all over Goldenballs".

AC Milan coach Leonardo said the club will take no action on the players but Beckham will be dropped for 2 games for being too handsome and a tell-tale!