Mourinho's post game interview doesnt go down well

Inter Milan coach Jose Mourinho made a big cock up at a recent post game press conference at the San Siro.

Journalists asked usual questions analyzing the game and Mourinho answered accordingly. However when FourFourTwo.com asked "Is there any clash of egos in the dressing room?" Mourinho responded by taking out his erect penis and saying "This is the biggest cock in Milan. Who wants to suck on it?"

Inter officials had to restrain the Portugese ex-Chelsea coach and he is currently seekign therapy in an undisclosed location in Bergamo, Italy.

Alan Shearer takes a leaf out of São Paulo's book

Newcastle manager Alan Shearer has taken a leaf out of Brazilian club São Paulo's book by threatening his players with rape unless the results dont come in.

Shearer told Sky Sports News "Ah, it's unacceptable, pet. I will buttfuck the life out of my players unless they pull their weight. Mike Ashley gave me his blessing. Our club was founded the same year as Liverpool. We've never won a champions league trophy. Why not? There was no fear in our players. I'll soon fucking change that!"

Midfielder Joey Barton was rumoured to be his first victim as he allegedly didnt pull his weight in a recent training session.

"The wanker!" exclaimed Barton in a press conference, "the gaffer came from behind me, held a hankerchief over my mouth, pulled down my shorts and thrusted straight into my poophole. He even said "oooh, what a lovely tea party" when he came. This is surely illegal. But the other players say its not."

Captain Michael Owen gives it his blessing "Well, being fucked by Shearer might get us the results. I used to play for Real Madrid. I'm not playing in the fucking championship. What's that? Hull want to sign me? Get my fucking agent on the phone"

Sao Paolo used similar tactics, but the results did not come in. Eight of the starting eleven are now paralysed from serial rapes.