Bayern Munich stars Franck Ribery, Miroslav Klose and Luca Toni have admitted to German newspaper Deutsche Aussenpolitik that they are full blown alcoholics.
"I guess it stems back to my childhood" said teary heart-throb Ribery "growing up in Boulogne-sur-Mer, I was surrounded with alcohol. My father was an alcoholic. Now, here I am, 26 years old, contemplating suicide when the pubs close. I cant play for Bayern Munich without drinking three quarters a bottle of Absolut."
Miroslav Klose had other ideas "I had not family issue. I just loved the high of being pissed. I used to love waking up in cells in Munich covered in my own piss. It was a laugh for me. But I knew I crossed the line when I tried to suck off Franz Beckenbauer after a drunken bet. His wife was none too pleased after I broke into their house, creeped into their bedroom and tried to disrope Franz. That'll fucking sober you up, I assure you."
Italian Luca Toni tell a different story "I didnt even know I was an alcoholic. Those fuckers Robery and Klose told me the booze was non-alcoholic. I thought I was fine until I woke up on a flight to Belize with seven black hookers covered in piss, semen and wearing a sock and a thong."
Bayern Munich confirmed the three players will seek therapy with immediate effect.
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