Friends' "Chandler" becomes a Hull City player

Actor Matthew Perry, best known for playing "Chandler" is US TV sitcom Friends, has signed a two year professional contract with Premiership side Hull City.

Hull boss Phil Brown explained he seen Perry, a 39 year old heavy smoker who never played football in his life, kick a ball with his nephew on a beach in Los Angeles in 2007 and was immediately stunned by his style. "I seen him kick the ball twice. I knew I had to someday bring him to a professional club. So, when his filming schedule had a gap I offered him a £80,000 a week two year deal. He will also become captain and be given the number 10 shirt. said Brown.

Perry said "I can't fuckin' believe it man. This stupid cocksucker from England wants me to play soccer? I never played it. But fuck it, eighty grand a fuckin' week? Do you know how much JD and coke I'll get with that."