Benitez is father of Reina and Torres

Liverpool manager Rafa Benitez today proved positive in a DNA test that he is in fact the father of goalkeeper Pepe Reina and striker Fernando Torres.

"This is bad news for the families involved, but I am glad to see that I made two of the best Spanish players of the last few years. And what a co-incidence I signed them to Liverpool." Benitez said "It's clear Pepe inherited my poor hairline and Fernando inherited my 11 inch penis. I've seen him in the showers. I used to always think 'it looks remarkably like mine', now it turns out I was right. Although I must admit I had a sneaky feeling about Pepe but Fernando is a surprise".

"I am glad my father is Rafa" was the only statement Pepe Reina made today on liverpoolfc.tv while Torres said "When I joined Liverpool, my family said to me that I should think again before joining Liverpool becuase they did not like Benitez. I know know why. Seemingly he was knocking the ass off my mother for years."

Rumours are circulating that Benitez may be Steven Gerrard's father also as he was known to be around the Liverpool area in 1979 and 1980 for dirty drunk weekends.